Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Sure-I'll take her on a airplane again-maybe when she's 20!

Scene: United Flight 666 to San Fran

2 women forcibly hold down toddler while stabbing her with hot pokers. Child screams bloody murder while other passengers wince and mutter to each other. Flight attendants pasted-on smiles started to wane as they ask if they can be of help. "Sure," says evil woman #1. "Why don't you start ripping her toenails out?"

Oh wait-those weren't hot pokers. No toenails were being ripped out. Worse. Evil woman #1 and #2 (otherwise known as Mama and Grandma) were trying to put said toddler in A SEATBELT!!! Oh-the horrors. Call CPS!

Seriously-I thought we were going to get kicked off the plane. We purchased an FAA-approved harness that slipped over the seat to use so we didn't have to bring the carseat. The straps, etc are exactly like a carseat. Just like the one she sits in nearly every single freaking day.

She was fine at first-she LOVES buckles. So she was very interested in the whole thing. For about 2 minutes. Then she wanted to sit in our laps. She summoned the strength of 1000 demons and wriggled out of the harness whilst screaming (oh yeah-she BIT me in there somewhere too!) as we tried to get her back in the harness (which became the most difficult puzzle of straps and buckles all of a sudden.) Oh yeah-and issuing all sorts of whispered threats and pleadings and maybe a few curse words.

In the end-she sobbed and only had the lap belt on. Repeat scenario (minus a couple of decibels and no harness) when we had to turn off the movie to land.

Return trip: I'll see you the hot pokers and toenails and throw in some scalding hot oil thankyouverymuch. It was even worse because we were on a smaller plane so only I was sitting next to her while Grandma, who surely wouldn't treat her in this inhumane way was across the aisle. So-I got to deal with her by myself while she screamed for Grandma to save her. Discarded twisted mess of harness again and just used lapbelt. After takeoff-she slumped doubled-over and passed out (sleeping, I swear!) for the rest of the trip while I recovered from the first catfight i've ever been in.

Oh yeah-we went to Disneyland. Pictures to follow. I need a sedative now just from mentally reliving that trip.


wendy said...

WOW, sounds like fun. It will be interesting to see how Ari reacts to her next flight, she was fine the first time, but we will be going to Florida right after she turns 3. Much more of a struggle probably.
As far as dance class, put Josie in one. You would be surprised how well they follow directions when you "the mother" are not the one spewing them. Her dance teacher is my mom by the way, and she does great with her, although she went thru a short stage where she didn't want to follow her directions. It is so much fun to watch them in dance class, whether they follow along or not, it is just cute to dress them up in a tutu and see them try to be graceful. I highly recommend it. Can't wait to see the pictures of your trip. We will be doing disneyworld when we go to florida, along with my cousins wedding!! OY

Shali said...

OMG! I feel for you -- what can you do, it's horrible, you've got to get her in and you are in this enclosed space where you can't take her outside or anything and everyone is watching -- I hate that. When we went to Singapore we were going up the escalator and I was telling Priya that she has to watch and be able to step off the escalator or she could get hurt, but she kept jumping up and down and doing crazy stuff and not really listening at all and then i got freaked out cause we were getting to the top, so I raised my voiced (I'm pretty sure I yelled) to tell her to listen and watch and we got off -- but she was screaming and crying and all these people kept looking at me like I'd just beaten her or something and one guy even waited around to see what I was going to do, i think he was trying to figure out if he needed to call the police and the last thing I needed was to be in jail in Singapore. I felt like the worst mom and I wanted to say, "but I just didn't want her to fall off the escalator". Hope you've recovered, can't wait to see pics. And don't worry, we've got at least 5 or 6 years before our trip to Vietnam and the 15 hour plane ride.