Scene: United Flight 666 to San Fran
2 women forcibly hold down toddler while stabbing her with hot pokers. Child screams bloody murder while other passengers wince and mutter to each other. Flight attendants pasted-on smiles started to wane as they ask if they can be of help. "Sure," says evil woman #1. "Why don't you start ripping her toenails out?"
Oh wait-those weren't hot pokers. No toenails were being ripped out. Worse. Evil woman #1 and #2 (otherwise known as Mama and Grandma) were trying to put said toddler in A SEATBELT!!! Oh-the horrors. Call CPS!
Seriously-I thought we were going to get kicked off the plane. We purchased an FAA-approved harness that slipped over the seat to use so we didn't have to bring the carseat. The straps, etc are exactly like a carseat. Just like the one she sits in nearly every single freaking day.
She was fine at first-she LOVES buckles. So she was very interested in the whole thing. For about 2 minutes. Then she wanted to sit in our laps. She summoned the strength of 1000 demons and wriggled out of the harness whilst screaming (oh yeah-she BIT me in there somewhere too!) as we tried to get her back in the harness (which became the most difficult puzzle of straps and buckles all of a sudden.) Oh yeah-and issuing all sorts of whispered threats and pleadings and maybe a few curse words.
In the end-she sobbed and only had the lap belt on. Repeat scenario (minus a couple of decibels and no harness) when we had to turn off the movie to land.
Return trip: I'll see you the hot pokers and toenails and throw in some scalding hot oil thankyouverymuch. It was even worse because we were on a smaller plane so only I was sitting next to her while Grandma, who surely wouldn't treat her in this inhumane way was across the aisle. So-I got to deal with her by myself while she screamed for Grandma to save her. Discarded twisted mess of harness again and just used lapbelt. After takeoff-she slumped doubled-over and passed out (sleeping, I swear!) for the rest of the trip while I recovered from the first catfight i've ever been in.
Oh yeah-we went to Disneyland. Pictures to follow. I need a sedative now just from mentally reliving that trip.